by Olga Levancuka

Why would anyone consider being a selfish parent? We all know that children should be our priority?

Such a statement would perhaps never have got challenged, if not for one child who wanted to speak up about what she felt was right and wrong during her upbringing and most importantly what her clients, who are children to their parents, and currently parents themselves would not challenge the ‘child‘ and now an adult Olga (that’s me by the way) with the confusing issues they have had to deal with on a daily basis. On one side the parents-clients felt they should sacrifice their life for the benefit of their children. That’s what their own parents taught them or even did for them. On the other hand, they were saying to me “Olga, I can’t take it. I love my kids and it must be awful to say, but what about me? “

As a result, the idea to run coaching sessions for parents was born and greatly supported by the Westminster Libraries. For the first workshop, mums turned up with their children (that I didn’t expect to be honest) and we started. It was a great success! Mums were pleased to hear its ok to think about themselves as well and they were over the moon to get the tricks my clients-parents had shared with me previously. Dads didn’t come that time, but they did come to me on a private basis, and without their children.

The results were so successful, that the word spread around, the press kept requesting the articles, the interviews followed. Not thinking much about that and continuing my coaching practice and writing, a day came when the Daily Mail requested a piece based on my views. The next thing I know, my article “Don’t praise your children. Get on with your life while they get on with theirs!’ Controversial life coach reveals why being a ‘selfish’ mother is GOOD“ is appearing online and … the comments and the reaction reaches the level that if not for the size and magnitude of the newspaper, their website would crash.

It’s true I am not a parent at the moment, yet I am a child to my parents. Or repeating the answer I gave to Nadia Sawalha during one of my recent appearances on the TV show “Loose Women“, who asked “Do you have children?“ – “NO, but I do have parents“

So here are my few points that should start to get you thinking. If you need any more info, just google my name and there’ll be plenty of articles on the subject brought to the surface. Oh! The press often mentions me as Skinny Rich Coach, so it’s worth googling that too – to get the links to some of my TV appearances.

The points:

  • When it comes to parenting, it’s not just about a well-fed, well-protected, well-dressed child. As parents you are doing a far greater job – you support the growth of another human being. Who hopefully will grow up being humane
  • Many parents, unable to attend to their own needs, only think about their kids’ happiness. They forget about their own state of mind that is as equally important. They sacrifice their own desires and the “grudge“ or “unsatisfaction“ slowly builds up inside. This ‘unhappiness’, will come out sooner or later, but for now this is what’s’ happening; the child senses something is wrong, but doesn’t know what is wrong and blames him or herself for upsetting their parents. The child is becoming more stressed caused by the confusion that on the surface you are “a bag of joy and smiles“. In the finale? You are the one snapping at the most inconvenient moment, and …the whole family will ultimately pay the price with the seemingly unbiased stresses.
  • It’s good and healthy for children to understand – you yourself are a human being. By supporting every child’s whim you make your children blind to the existence of other human beings, such as yourselves first of all.
  • It’s healthy to speak with your kids regarding their experiences without denying it. They have a right to feel what they feel. Just because during your childhood you were told “What are you crying about – it’s just a scratch “it doesn’t mean your children are not allowed to acknowledge what they feel. And of course it works vice versa. “Son, I feel headache. I need ten minutes of silence and a cup of tea. If I feel better, I’ll let you watch the TV in a lounge.”

 

For more advice on “selfish parenting“ feel free to refer to my other articles, or! Feel free to book me as your coach. But be aware there are no tips or magic remedy for every solution and every case, no matter how many books or article I myself or anyone writes. And at times, you will just have no choice but to exercise your powers of being a parent (who is in charge!) and firmly state what you need your kids to do. Remember your ‘sanity‘ is as important as theirs.

If you need more supporting material, I highly recommend my book “How to be Selfish“ not for the parenting advice but as an opportunity to pause in your life and think “Hold on, I am not just a parent, I am also an individual, I have my own desires and my own needs. Now lets see what I can do to improve myself, and through this create a better role model for my children!“

 

Author: Olga Levancuka, the Skinny Rich Coach.

For coaching sessions, please visit www.SkinnyRichCoach.com